I have had a wonderful track out, I can't complain. Scott and I went to Disney World for a week to celebrate our 2 year anniversary. It was fun, but not necessarily relaxing, lol! I feel fully satisfied now that I have been to Disney and experienced everything my little 8 year old heart ever desired. It was nice to be somewhere with just my best friend and do whatever we wanted to do.
Sadly, the trip ended with major disappointment. Our last IUI didn't work. I found out on our last day there, at the park, surrounded by people. I was so crushed, but had to act like nothing was going on. I didn't want to ruin Scott's last show, a stunt filled car show. How do you deal with such sorrow and disappointment at the "happiest place on earth?" And because we were leaving for the airport immediately after, I had to hold it all in for the next 8 hours.
I can't help but wonder what is wrong with me, why won't God let me have a child? I've always wanted to be a mother, never thought it wouldn't happen. And now I have to face the reality that I may never be a mother of my own biological child. It is so hard to be surrounded by people who can so easily have children. They share their cute pictures on Facebook, they talk about the cute/funny things they do and say, they talk about how proud they are of their children's accomplishments. I work in the nursery with babies and pregnant women and mothers. Friends have gotten pregnant and had children that are starting to walk in the time that I have been just trying to have one. I teach children. It is inescapable. And I know having children is hard work and parents are often driven insane with stress and worry, but I would happily take that.
Tomorrow is my birthday. I had hoped by now that I would be pregnant and joyfully looking forward to our family growing. I don't know what future God has for me, but I am sure there is a reason this is happening. Just like there was a reason He made me wait to get my first job. Just like there was a reason He made me wait so long for my husband. Just like He does with every thing that happens in my life.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Feeling down
I'm feeling really down this morning. I started browsing on the internet looking for support and found this article taken from a blog. It kindof helps explain what I'm going through and how I feel right now. By the way, it's not directed at anyone, I just wanted to show how I'm feeling right now without having to say it myself.
Infertility Etiquette
Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than seven million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time.
Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.
The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.
As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money.
A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways:
* They will eventually conceive a baby.
* They will stop the infertility treatments and choose to live without children.
* They will find an alternative way to parent, such as by adopting a child or becoming a foster parent.
Reaching a resolution can take years, so your infertile loved ones need your emotional support during this journey. Most people don't know what to say, so they wind up saying the wrong thing, which only makes the journey so much harder for their loved ones. Knowing what not to say is half of the battle to providing support.
Don't Tell Them to Relax
Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren't infertile but just need to "relax." Those that remain are truly infertile.
Comments such as "just relax" or "try going on a cruise" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.
These comments can also reach the point of absurdity. As a couple, my husband and I underwent two surgeries, numerous inseminations, hormone treatments, and four years of poking and prodding by doctors. Yet, people still continued to say things like, "If you just relaxed on a cruise . . ." Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.
Don't Minimize the Problem
Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone's life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.
Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.
Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen
Along the same lines, don't tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone? Is it going through a divorce? Watching a loved one die? Getting raped? Losing a job?
Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the "worst" thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. To someone who has walked away from her career to become a stay-at-home wife for 40 years, watching her husband leave her for a younger woman might be the "worst" thing. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the "worst" thing that could happen.
People wouldn't dream of telling someone whose parent just died, "It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead." Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting. In the same vein, don't tell your friend that she could be going through worse things than infertility.
Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents
One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.
Don't Ask Why They Aren't Trying IVF
In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man's sperm in a petri dish. This is the method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, "Why don't you just try IVF?" in the same casual tone they would use to ask, "Why don't you try shopping at another store?"
Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy
This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.
The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.
Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes."
I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.
Don't Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant
For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don't follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn't ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.
Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.
Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.
Don't Gossip About Your Friend's Condition
Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret. Men especially are very sensitive to letting people know about infertility testing, such as sperm counts. Gossiping about infertility is not usually done in a malicious manner. The gossipers are usually well-meaning people who are only trying to find out more about infertility so they can help their loved ones.
Regardless of why you are sharing this information with someone else, it hurts and embarrasses your friend to find out that Madge the bank teller knows what your husband's sperm count is and when your next period is expected. Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend's privacy, and don't share any information that your friend hasn't authorized.
Don't Push Adoption (Yet)
Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. (As an adoptive parent, I can fully vouch for this!!) However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose. Adoption social workers recognize the importance of the grieving process. When my husband and I went for our initial adoption interview, we expected the first question to be, "Why do you want to adopt a baby?" Instead, the question was, "Have you grieved the loss of your biological child yet?" Our social worker emphasized how important it is to shut one door before you open another.
You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn't her "own," then adoption isn't the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.
Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. (The only words that ever offered me comfort were from my sister, who said, "Whether through pregnancy or adoption, you will be a mother one day.") However, "pushing" the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.
So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lesson the load. Here are a few ideas.
Let Them Know That You Care
The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren't going through this alone.
Remember Them on Mother's Day
With all of the activity on Mother's Day, people tend to forget about women who cannot become mothers. Mother's Day is an incredibly painful time for infertile women. You cannot get away from it-There are ads on the TV, posters at the stores, church sermons devoted to celebrating motherhood, and all of the plans for celebrating with your own mother and mother-in-law.
Mother's Day is an important celebration and one that I relish now that I am a mother. However, it was very painful while I was waiting for my baby. Remember your infertile friends on Mother's Day, and send them a card to let them know you are thinking of them. They will appreciate knowing that you haven't "forgotten" them.
Support Their Decision to Stop Treatments
No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. Even if the couple chooses to adopt a baby, they must still first grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes.
Once the couple has made the decision to stop treatments, support their decision. Don't encourage them to try again, and don't discourage them from adopting, if that is their choice. Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don't try to open that chapter again.
Infertility Etiquette
Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than seven million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time.
Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.
The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.
As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money.
A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways:
* They will eventually conceive a baby.
* They will stop the infertility treatments and choose to live without children.
* They will find an alternative way to parent, such as by adopting a child or becoming a foster parent.
Reaching a resolution can take years, so your infertile loved ones need your emotional support during this journey. Most people don't know what to say, so they wind up saying the wrong thing, which only makes the journey so much harder for their loved ones. Knowing what not to say is half of the battle to providing support.
Don't Tell Them to Relax
Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren't infertile but just need to "relax." Those that remain are truly infertile.
Comments such as "just relax" or "try going on a cruise" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.
These comments can also reach the point of absurdity. As a couple, my husband and I underwent two surgeries, numerous inseminations, hormone treatments, and four years of poking and prodding by doctors. Yet, people still continued to say things like, "If you just relaxed on a cruise . . ." Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.
Don't Minimize the Problem
Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone's life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.
Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.
Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen
Along the same lines, don't tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone? Is it going through a divorce? Watching a loved one die? Getting raped? Losing a job?
Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the "worst" thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. To someone who has walked away from her career to become a stay-at-home wife for 40 years, watching her husband leave her for a younger woman might be the "worst" thing. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the "worst" thing that could happen.
People wouldn't dream of telling someone whose parent just died, "It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead." Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting. In the same vein, don't tell your friend that she could be going through worse things than infertility.
Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents
One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.
Don't Ask Why They Aren't Trying IVF
In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man's sperm in a petri dish. This is the method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, "Why don't you just try IVF?" in the same casual tone they would use to ask, "Why don't you try shopping at another store?"
Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy
This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.
The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.
Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes."
I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.
Don't Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant
For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don't follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn't ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.
Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.
Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.
Don't Gossip About Your Friend's Condition
Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret. Men especially are very sensitive to letting people know about infertility testing, such as sperm counts. Gossiping about infertility is not usually done in a malicious manner. The gossipers are usually well-meaning people who are only trying to find out more about infertility so they can help their loved ones.
Regardless of why you are sharing this information with someone else, it hurts and embarrasses your friend to find out that Madge the bank teller knows what your husband's sperm count is and when your next period is expected. Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend's privacy, and don't share any information that your friend hasn't authorized.
Don't Push Adoption (Yet)
Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. (As an adoptive parent, I can fully vouch for this!!) However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose. Adoption social workers recognize the importance of the grieving process. When my husband and I went for our initial adoption interview, we expected the first question to be, "Why do you want to adopt a baby?" Instead, the question was, "Have you grieved the loss of your biological child yet?" Our social worker emphasized how important it is to shut one door before you open another.
You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn't her "own," then adoption isn't the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.
Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. (The only words that ever offered me comfort were from my sister, who said, "Whether through pregnancy or adoption, you will be a mother one day.") However, "pushing" the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.
So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lesson the load. Here are a few ideas.
Let Them Know That You Care
The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren't going through this alone.
Remember Them on Mother's Day
With all of the activity on Mother's Day, people tend to forget about women who cannot become mothers. Mother's Day is an incredibly painful time for infertile women. You cannot get away from it-There are ads on the TV, posters at the stores, church sermons devoted to celebrating motherhood, and all of the plans for celebrating with your own mother and mother-in-law.
Mother's Day is an important celebration and one that I relish now that I am a mother. However, it was very painful while I was waiting for my baby. Remember your infertile friends on Mother's Day, and send them a card to let them know you are thinking of them. They will appreciate knowing that you haven't "forgotten" them.
Support Their Decision to Stop Treatments
No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. Even if the couple chooses to adopt a baby, they must still first grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes.
Once the couple has made the decision to stop treatments, support their decision. Don't encourage them to try again, and don't discourage them from adopting, if that is their choice. Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don't try to open that chapter again.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Light at the end of the tunnel
This weekend we made a lot of progress on the bookshelves and are almost done.
Scott finished sanding everything so yesterday I started painting. I
had to paint back over the back wall where he had calked and then edge
the shelves. That took about 3 hours! Toward the end, I had to get
Scott to finish, my hand was aching so much. The actual "painting" took
no time at all with the roller. But then, I had to go back and repaint some of the back wall where we got shelf paint on it. It's a never ending cycle of touching up!
Now for the hard part. Being patient and waiting 2 weeks to make sure the paint is good and cured before putting books and stuff on them. And then, I will be in organization heaven! I can't wait! But I have to. Oh the torture!
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| The finished shelves before painting. |
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| Scott finishing the edge work. Isn't he so good to me? Notice the window seat. I will be able to store all of my gift wrapping supplies in there. I can't wait! |
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| Yes, I know, I missed a spot on the back wall. When I was painting originally, the speakers were in the way, but you can't really tell anyway with them in place. |
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| Scott cut my craft desk down to the new size. It is so nice to have my craft desk back! |
Friday, September 7, 2012
Me and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week
I woke up with a tummy ache on Saturday so I couldn't get my massage and I didn't get any work done except for 5 loads of laundry and balancing the checkbook and when I tried to get caught up on Monday, which was Labor Day, I ended up spending most of the day doing school work and not enjoying the labor free day after all and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week.
My husband got sick and couldn't do any work around the house, and I was a grump because of it because the house is a mess and the office has wood chips and sawdust all over the carpet and I feel like these book shelves will never get done and my books are all over the floor and my craft stuff is who knows where. I think I'll move to Australia.
I was a big dope and planned French club on a day that I had to work late for a school event and it was cheese tasting day to boot so I had to cut all these little pieces of cheese and get everything ready at 7:00 in the morning before the kids got there, then my students were naughty all day and drove me crazy and I had to stay until 8:30 at night watching even more rowdy kids (and one cute little toddler) and somehow get them to watch a movie and not spill popcorn and water all over the place (once I opened half of the bottles) and all I could do was go home and sit down on the couch feeling pooped. I was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week.
I spilled my cereal on the floor this morning. I hate spilling my cereal. I started to cry, and Scott looked at me like I was crazy and I said something about working too much this week as I cleaned up the mess. When I went to go to the physical therapist, I made the wrong choice and got on US1 where traffic was backed up for miles and going nowhere and even though I left the house with plenty of time I was 15 minutes late and only got 45 minutes in and they made me ride on a stationary bike. I hate riding on the stationary bike.
Then I rushed home to take a shower and rush off to work where my kids had been good all morning for the sub but the minute I got there they started acting up and I got all frustrated and cards were getting turned everywhere and it was time for lunch and I almost forgot. It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week.
Sigh...some weeks are like that. Even in Australia.
My husband got sick and couldn't do any work around the house, and I was a grump because of it because the house is a mess and the office has wood chips and sawdust all over the carpet and I feel like these book shelves will never get done and my books are all over the floor and my craft stuff is who knows where. I think I'll move to Australia.
I was a big dope and planned French club on a day that I had to work late for a school event and it was cheese tasting day to boot so I had to cut all these little pieces of cheese and get everything ready at 7:00 in the morning before the kids got there, then my students were naughty all day and drove me crazy and I had to stay until 8:30 at night watching even more rowdy kids (and one cute little toddler) and somehow get them to watch a movie and not spill popcorn and water all over the place (once I opened half of the bottles) and all I could do was go home and sit down on the couch feeling pooped. I was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week.
I spilled my cereal on the floor this morning. I hate spilling my cereal. I started to cry, and Scott looked at me like I was crazy and I said something about working too much this week as I cleaned up the mess. When I went to go to the physical therapist, I made the wrong choice and got on US1 where traffic was backed up for miles and going nowhere and even though I left the house with plenty of time I was 15 minutes late and only got 45 minutes in and they made me ride on a stationary bike. I hate riding on the stationary bike.
Then I rushed home to take a shower and rush off to work where my kids had been good all morning for the sub but the minute I got there they started acting up and I got all frustrated and cards were getting turned everywhere and it was time for lunch and I almost forgot. It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week.
Sigh...some weeks are like that. Even in Australia.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Adventures on Track in Day
Some of you may wonder (or maybe not) what its like for me to track in four times a year. This time I took some pictures. I'm always moving into another teacher's classroom. There is a period of time where both of us have stuff in the room and it's a mess everywhere.
When I came in yesterday morning at 7:00, this is what the room looked like. The other teacher had already pulled a bunch of my stuff off of the track out room shelves so she could put her stuff on them. Basically, you have everything set up to be easily put up and down. Pocket charts, stick on magnets, tri-fold presentation boards, rolling carts. There still is a lot of work putting things up, and a lot of teachers don't bother to do as much "decorating" because of it.
I finally finished setting up around 6:45 in the evening. Not bad, considering I had meetings half of the day.
Anyway, I had fun decorating. I'm asking the kids next week to bring in 4"x6" framed family pictures which I'll place around the room. I always tell them we're a family, especially being on a single track and pretty much staying together from kindergarten through 5th. I want my kids to feel cozy and like this is their home away from home, which in a way, it is!
I finally finished setting up around 6:45 in the evening. Not bad, considering I had meetings half of the day.
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| This is the view of the room from behind my desk. |
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| Got this idea off of Pinterest (got addicted to that thing over track out). I dare my little cuties to try and move their desks now! |
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| Notice my desk accessories. I got tired of the old random plastic stuff and decided to pretty it up. Love the Container Store! The kids baskets are ready to be filled with books! One thing to make track in and out easier is all of the teachers have the sticky side of Velcro stickers on the backs of the cubbies. Then we all put the fuzzy side on our own cubby tags. When its time to track in and out, just pull 'em off or stick em on in seconds! |
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| This is the view of my desk from the other side. I found the owl wall sticker at Target. School desks are so ugly, but this makes it cute! Notice my big black cart. I invested in that years ago, tired of packing up all of my math manipulatives and what not every single time. The funny thing is, the idea spread and a lot of teachers now have their own! |
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| This is one side of my double sided book shelf. I lucked into acquiring it a few years ago when it used to be a grade level cart and the items were moved elsewhere. These are my personal books, organized by genre. On the top shelf is a framed "I Pick" sign. I also made a little photo album of pictures of my kids through the years. |
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| My word catcher, waiting to catch some vocabulary words. Each week I read a book and choose good vocabulary words to focus on. Last year, my kids loved "catching" words in their own reading to add to the word wall. It got so overwhelming, I had to give them their own "word catcher" books to keep in their reading baskets! |
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| My CAFE board is easy to put up and take down for track out. We will be setting goals next week. |
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| My "carpet area." I got the ideas for the seats off of Pinterest (again). I had leftover striped fabric from my window cornices and Scott cut the boards from leftover wood from our book case project. My Daily 5 I-charts have inspiring words "create" and "imagine." My rocking chair folds up easily and I put it on top of my cart for track out. |
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| Check out the desks. I've never arranged them this way before, like a pinwheel. We'll see how it goes. I think its pretty cool! I use electrical tape for their name tags. It stays on pretty well, and comes up super easy for track out time. I used to spend time laminating and making cute name tags, but the kids pretty much destroyed them within the first 9 weeks, so I gave that up last year. |
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| The other side of my double sided book case. Yes, that is a lot of books. Years and years (13 to be exact) of collecting books with book club points. |
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Diary of a tracked out maniac
So a couple of Tuesday was my last day before track out. This time, I didn't plan to go anywhere. I planned to do major house updates! I started with the dining room. Before, it was nice, but it just didn't have much personality.
I went to Lowes and picked out a dozen shades of blue and Ashley helped me pick out my final choices. I painted the top a lighter shade of the bottom's color of blue. I think it turned out nicely.
Later in the week, I created window cornices using fabric that I got on
super sale at JoAnn Fabrics. Yay for saving money! (I won't mention
the fact that I had gone earlier in the week and bought the same fabric,
but not enough, so I had to go back and get more. But at least I got a
coupon!)
Next, I moved on to the half bath downstairs. Again, it was ok, but the green makes it so much more cheery!
Finally, I moved to the kitchen. That, I must say, was the hardest paint job I have ever done. So many nooks and crannies, corners and places to edge. Took me two days to get it all painted. But the final job was so worth it. Again, I made window cornices to hang above the windows. I should say that Scott actually built the cornices and helped me staple them on. Mom also helped me sew the striped fabric to make longer pieces, since the bolt wasn't wide enough for the windows. Thanks you guys!
I also convinced Scott to take a week off of work so he could install the new video screen and bookcase. Yeah, he's probably sorry he agreed to that! The old screen has been covering up a window since we moved in, and I was tired of that dark room! Also, I didn't want it to look permanently like a move theater room.
So, on Monday he tore a big hole in the wall and ceiling. It was hard to watch and quite dusty. There is still dust everywhere and we've had to change the AC filters. But he had to do it to make a soffit big enough to hold the new screen, which is retractable. I was only freaking out a little bit. Ok, a lot on the inside, lol!
So once he had the destruction done, he began to build the soffit. Let me tell you, there were a lot of little things he discovered along the way that might have made life easier on this project. But basically, it was a nightmare to install the screen. It weighs 100 pounds and with just me to lift it in place while he bolted it up in the attic was almost impossible, and bit scary! But we got it up in there and he put up the drywall. It actually looks very good and discreet, which is what I like!
After taking a day to wire up the speakers and projector through the attic and walls, Scott was ready to start on the built in bookcase. This is something I've been wanting since we moved in. I have so many books for school and we both have so many of our own personal books, that we needed somewhere to put them. The free standing bookcases didn't even have enough room for all of our books. Most of Scott's books are still in boxes in the attic.
So, that's all for now. Today, Scott has cut the shelves and put on banding. He will put on the face plate and the counter top. I'll post more as we move along!
I went to Lowes and picked out a dozen shades of blue and Ashley helped me pick out my final choices. I painted the top a lighter shade of the bottom's color of blue. I think it turned out nicely.
Next, I moved on to the half bath downstairs. Again, it was ok, but the green makes it so much more cheery!
Finally, I moved to the kitchen. That, I must say, was the hardest paint job I have ever done. So many nooks and crannies, corners and places to edge. Took me two days to get it all painted. But the final job was so worth it. Again, I made window cornices to hang above the windows. I should say that Scott actually built the cornices and helped me staple them on. Mom also helped me sew the striped fabric to make longer pieces, since the bolt wasn't wide enough for the windows. Thanks you guys!
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| Drink station/Butler pantry Before |
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| Kitchen before |
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| Eat in area before |
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| Drink station after |
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| Kitchen after |
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| Eat in area after |
I also convinced Scott to take a week off of work so he could install the new video screen and bookcase. Yeah, he's probably sorry he agreed to that! The old screen has been covering up a window since we moved in, and I was tired of that dark room! Also, I didn't want it to look permanently like a move theater room.
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| Movie Theater...can we say BIG and Where's the window? |
So, on Monday he tore a big hole in the wall and ceiling. It was hard to watch and quite dusty. There is still dust everywhere and we've had to change the AC filters. But he had to do it to make a soffit big enough to hold the new screen, which is retractable. I was only freaking out a little bit. Ok, a lot on the inside, lol!
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| Eeek! |
So once he had the destruction done, he began to build the soffit. Let me tell you, there were a lot of little things he discovered along the way that might have made life easier on this project. But basically, it was a nightmare to install the screen. It weighs 100 pounds and with just me to lift it in place while he bolted it up in the attic was almost impossible, and bit scary! But we got it up in there and he put up the drywall. It actually looks very good and discreet, which is what I like!
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| My handy man |
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| Starting to look like something |
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| A window! With shade! Scott is also building a window seat. |
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| Scott had to test out the speakers and the electronics on the projector and screen, so he stuck in a movie. We ended up watching the whole thing! Can anyone guess what it is? |
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Car update
Well, today I received the sad news that my car is totalled. The adjuster initially looked at it and thought it was repairable. But when he popped the trunk, he saw the floorboard was crumpled up and upon further inspection saw that the frame was crushed.
I am so, so sad. I have loved this car, my first "new" car. It has been fun to drive and reliable for almost 6 years. It only had 60, 618 miles on it and was in excellent condition. The insurance company is going to give me $11, 483 for it. Tonight, Scott and I are going to start looking for a new car.
I don't want another used Civic, that's why I got my car new to begin with. I'd rather know the maintenance that has been kept and how long it should last before an issue (I've had too many used cars to even want to deal with that again). So, to be practical like a hopeful mom-to-be, I am going to get a 4 door small SUV type. (I hate sedans and loathe mini-vans, but still want as much fuel efficiency as I can)
The other very sad part for me is that whatever I get most likely won't have 5-speed manual available. I think I'll miss that most of all. I may actually have to drive Scott's car just to get my manual fix (argh!).
So, my cute little Honda Civic LX 5 speed manual fun to drive car, I'll miss you. RIP.
I am so, so sad. I have loved this car, my first "new" car. It has been fun to drive and reliable for almost 6 years. It only had 60, 618 miles on it and was in excellent condition. The insurance company is going to give me $11, 483 for it. Tonight, Scott and I are going to start looking for a new car.
I don't want another used Civic, that's why I got my car new to begin with. I'd rather know the maintenance that has been kept and how long it should last before an issue (I've had too many used cars to even want to deal with that again). So, to be practical like a hopeful mom-to-be, I am going to get a 4 door small SUV type. (I hate sedans and loathe mini-vans, but still want as much fuel efficiency as I can)
The other very sad part for me is that whatever I get most likely won't have 5-speed manual available. I think I'll miss that most of all. I may actually have to drive Scott's car just to get my manual fix (argh!).
So, my cute little Honda Civic LX 5 speed manual fun to drive car, I'll miss you. RIP.
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| The only picture I could find of my car! So sad. |
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